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Meesh, Aspen,CO Age:28

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wSaturday, May 01, 2004


Doing bumps. And I don't mean moguls.

Spring in Aspen means a mass exodus the day after the mountain closes. To Las Vegas, Moab, Mexico and points south, where we all strive to spend the hard-earned tips and bonuses the winter season has bestowed on us, and sleep with our co-workers and pretend it never happened when we get home (Did I? I don't think so.)

After returning from a week of dereliction, drinking, sun, and all that other stuff that "happens in Vegas and stays in Vegas", we return burnt, burnt-out, broke, and positively rotting from the inside out.

At this point, mid-March's tease of 70 degree perfection has turned into the spring Rocky Mountains weather pattern of sun, wind, rain, sleet, snow, and then repeat, EVERY hour. So, fat, pale, and atrophying, unable to ski, watching brown spots forming on the mountain, we will ourselves to run, hike, and bike, if only the weather would cooperate. It becomes so depressing, no one in town, no reason to go out to the clubs, no money, can't be outdoor mountain freaks, just sitting inside watching it rain, and saying, "It's definitely snowing on top, I wonder how many inches? We should hike up there."

Fed up with the state of our health and visions of our naked whiteness, this 3-part regimen is on the to do list of every proactive Aspenite.

Number #1 - hit the gym. From 6-8 pm, nearly every machine is occupied at the Aspen Athletic Club, the cardio queens all in a row on the stairmaster, watching MTV. The buff, stinky, sweaty guys (um, hello, deodorant?) always take the 3 elliptical machines in the back, and I am always stuck on the machines directly in front of the mirror, looking at the TV with no sound, next to the guy hoarding the remote on CNN.

Every person in the room has a view of my huge ass in the mirror, which the cardio queens glance at while looking at themselves sideways in their skimpy tops and low-rise pants, as if their butts are shrinking by their manic stair marathon. When they are done flipping their magazines and watching the Osbournes and the Real World, they have the nerve to weigh themselves to see whether they are 98 pounds or down to 97.

While most are getting in shape for their 30-mile bike ride over Independence Pass, their hike to Crested Butte, or some marathon, uphill, or triathalon, I am simply trying to fit into last years bikini, working off the pounds I gained from this winter's liquid diet.

You know how the cardio machines ask you to enter your age and weight so it can calculate your target heart rate? Well most guys here take off 20 or 30 years so they can actually get a workout.

Fridays are guest day, pretty much a 2-for-1 happy hour without the alcohol. The closest thing to socializing in the off-season. I try to avoid friday nights because everyone is in the hot tub and I am not quite ready for the big unveiling.

I avoid the weight room, too much testosterone, attempt to scale the climbing wall, then shoot hoops. Until I can hit H-O-R-S-E, which can take half an hour, or at least until it's time for the hottest reservation in town.

Number #2 - tanning. The two tanning beds in town (at the Club) are booked up to a week in advance for the prime slots. Even though the bulbs kinda suck, that's probably a good thing. A good base coat is key to proper epidermis color management. It is so good to see so many of the guys hitting the beds. They must have gotten the memo. The better to show off their 6-packs.

Those who don't fake bake, fake spray. You can tell the ones who just had a fresh coat applied, looking like the spent 2 weeks in the Bahamas. The "healthy ones". The super naturally pale ones.

I rotate. Bake, Spray (Clarins is the best), and lay out on my deck when the sun decides to come out. I like to be waaay ahead of the game on this one. Snow or not, I am in minis and sandals. My feet need to breathe, my legs need to be seen. I find that it's motivating for everyone else. Hahhah.

Number #3 - Cleansing. Everyone has some tried and true method for a spring cleanse.

There's the popular No Sugar cleanse. Which means no alcohol.

The herbal cleanse is also quite trendy. Some nasty tasting elixir meant to degunk the insides.

Cleansing diets: the cabbage soup, the all fruit, the all vegetable, or some combination of the three. Which means some nas-ty gas.

Or just plain old fasting. Only water for a whole week and/or some herbal tea crap the apothecary whipped up for their specific ailments.

Not to mention the people who have to describe to you, IN DEPTH, the colonic they had, and how it made them feel kind of high and like 3 WHOLE pounds lighter. "OMG, you should see the stuff that comes out!!" I can picture it. Really, thanks.

So that means pretty much everyone is sober, cranky, starving, gassy. On top of being fat, pale, poor, and bored out of our minds.

If only we can get through the next few weeks, we will emerge, like the tulips starting to blossom, surviving the random spring snows (Boy, that's cheesy, but really, it's like fucking Amsterdam with all the bulbs everywhere), and ready to push our bodies to the limits this summer.

Cleansed, tanned, toned, and ready to build up the coffers to make it through the fall off-season (a little more tolerable, because at least we'll get to ski and ride at the end of it.)

But most of all to disconnect from all intellect, and get really retarded.

Lose control, of body and soul.
Don't move too fast, people, just take it slow.
Don't get ahead, just jump into it.
Ya'll here a body, two pieces to it.
Get stutted, get stupid.
You'll want me body people will walk you through it.
Step by step, like you're into new kid.
Inch by inch with the new solution.
Trench men hits, with no delusion.
The feeling's irresistible and that's how we movin'.


- B.E.P.

posted by meesh at 9:43 PM


wTuesday, April 20, 2004


famous people, Prada, and champagne powder

I thought about why I hadn't written in so long and I guess it just comes down to that there wasn't a whole lot of thinking going on this winter. Things and life just keep rolling on, or crashing down. I didn't stop to think, "Hmm... was today a good day, or a bad day?" I mean, I didn't have to use my AK, so ...

It went like this: work, party, sleep, ski, work, work, party, party, sleep, sleep, work, party, sleep, ski, ski, sleep, ski, party, and so on and so forth. (Ok, so I snowboarded, too)

Time was spent making money, being shallow, drinking the most expensive champagne possible, and seeing how far I could lower my immune system to and still be fully functional.

Yeah interesting things happened, people were met, things went down. But not a whole lot of thought process behind them, and therefore, not a lot of introspection involved. I wondered if people wanted to know this stuff. Would sharing it then make me an even bigger sand bar?

Hmmmm... So I was at Prada's Christmas party talking to Andre Leon Talley and Kristin Davis walks in and he squeals, "Look, you guys have the same skirt AND the same shoes on!" (trivial)

I'm bartending at this incredible restaurant (the best) (of course) and Sean Penn sits down, orders a drink, makes small talk, then finally says, "So when do you get off?" and I reply, "I don't know, how long does it usually take you." (haha)

Jack Black doing naked cannonballs in the Sky hotel pool at 3am. (piss your pants funny)

the Saudi prince who bought me the black studded Manolo's (ok, he wasn't a prince, he was some ambassadors son, but he stayed at Bandars phat estate)

Well I guess it's interesting to me, but at the time, I didn't haven't the opportunity to dwell on it, for each day was different. What's going on today, and tomorrow, not what happened last week was what was important. We're talking nonstop, commercial free programming.

SO, NOW, what do I think?
Well I think if I hadn't spent all that money on $300 bottles of champagne and $300 sunglasses, I could be somewhere really nice and tropical right now, instead of in this freezing ass ghost town.

I think if I was back in LA, I could have found myself a nice young man (or one of my nice old ones) to settle down with by now, instead of wasting my time on hot, charming, rich guys who will visit twice a year. Arrgh.

I think I need to get my act together and lose 15 pounds or I'll be modeling for A Pea in the Pod instead of fur coats. and Gucci.

And I think, as I have been every year at about this time, exactly about this time , that I want to have a baby, before I'm 30 (next year), and why can't I find the right sperm donor. Should I place an ad? "Got kids?? Want some??"

I think if I don't pick a boyfriend soon, I am going to become the crazy cat lady, talking and sleeping with my cat (Wait I already do that). I was actually at the pet store today, thinking "Wow, those hamsters are pretty cute, or, hmmm... what about some goldfish?" I've kept a plant alive for almost 6 months, I can have goldfish! (or a baby! haha).




posted by meesh at 11:53 AM


w


So much for the vegetarian/smoothie diet. I just attacked a rottiserie chicken with a fork. I wonder how the chicken would taste in the blender?

I remember when I had my tongue pierced like 12 years ago (before it was cool, wait, was it ever cool?), I lost like 14 pounds sucking stuff through a straw. But I think I was on crack, too, I can't remember. Hmmm? And it wasn't just fruits and veggies, I would have like lobster bisque, and pot roast with mashers (ok, maybe not), but I didn't stick to the lo-cal.

I lasted 3 days, that's not so bad. Don't know if I lost weight, I haven't had a scale since I was on crack. I do weigh myself on the scale occasionaly at the gym, but the scale is in the cardio room, and I am always looking over my shoulder to make sure no one is looking. "But, but I'm tall!!" I want to scream out. And when you get off the scale, it still says your weight, so I just want to cover it up till it goes away. I know I am probably average, but who wants to be average? My medical reccomendation for my height (5'10") is 129-169 lbs. Yeeeahhhh. I'll take 129, thanks.


posted by meesh at 11:21 AM


wMonday, April 19, 2004






whoa taking like an hour to figure out how to do this shit again.
I'd delete it all and start over but no fucking way I could figure all this out again.

posted by meesh at 9:10 PM


wWednesday, May 21, 2003


Unless you've been stuck under a rock
(ok, first bad pun of this post)
no doubt you've heard of Aspenite Aron Ralston and his harrowing saga in the Utah canyons.
(I love the sound of that, "harrowing saga", great)

Former Intel mechanical engineer turned mountain man Panic follower gets his left arm pinned under an 800 pound boulder while descending a steep narrow crevice in Bluejohn Canyon, a pretty advanced section of the Utah Canyonlands.

If you haven't heard this report, let me break it down for you, before the TV movie comes out.

So Aron sets out, on Apr. 26, Sat., by himself, without telling anyone where he is going,
(but hey you solo adventurers out there know that is kind of part of the adventure, no?),
for a one-day loop on his mountain bike into the Bluejohn trailways.
No big deal right?
I used to head into the Ojai hills regularly for a little one-on-one with nature.

He bikes 15 miles (like 2 and a half hours) from the beginning of the trailhead deep into the canyon, hooks up with two random hikers, and they scramble mixed terrain of riverbed and down-climbs for a couple more hours. He splits up with them, to continue his intended loop which will take him into part of the Canyon known as the Big Drop.
As he descends the narrow crevice, the large boulder he is gripping starts to roll over towards him, and rests firmly upon his right hand and lower arm.
With just a liter of water left and a couple burritos, he uses his engineering abilities to rig a seat for himself and begin to tackle the problem of dislodging the boulder.
Over the next two days, he rigs a series of pulleys, using increasing ratios to try to budge the boulder to no avail.

The same day he runs out of water, Tuesday, he sets up his makeshift surgical table, to begin the task of freeing his arm.
The knife, which he describes as a "gift with purchase", fake Leatherman tool, barely cuts the hair on his arm, so badly dulled from chipping away at the rock.
So he settles back to spend his 4th night with the boulder.

On the fifth day, he continues his attempts, finally managing to break the skin, then finds that there is no way he can cut through the bone.
After five nights, Aron resorts to snapping of his arm at the wrist, radius and ulna against the force of the rock, completing his crude amputation.
He wraps his arm in a pair of bike shorts,
RAPPELS DOWN,
sips some water from a dirty pool at the bottom of the drop,
then hikes 6 MILES, until he runs into a family from Holland, then meets up with a rescue helicopter only a mile from where he originally left his car.
I bet if he hadn't run into anyone, the freaking guy would have drove himself to the hospital, too.

We were discussing Aron the other day, it has been THE topic of convo for weeks around Aspen, (the mayoral election a distant second), everyone is amazed at his strength and courage, I am no exception, but hell yes, I'd cut my freaking arm off, too!

One thing I learned from my ex-ex Dan, is to always carry a sharp knife. I always have on hand (last bad pun, I swear), a 5-inch sawtooth/sharp edge switch.
Why?

Well even if I only need to slice some Manchego for lunch, free someone from their seat belt in a car accident, or off my own arm should I be trapped under a half-ton boulder,
I am always prepared. I don't know if it could cut through bone though, and snapping the bones in my arm is quite a burly maneuver, but what else would you do? Die there? Let some hiker find you 3 months later.
Yeah, NO.

Aron seems in great spirits, cooly reciting his ordeal in his String Cheese shirt, smiling broadly, damn sexy mountain man.
He says he's craving a margarita.
I'd like to be the first to buy him one,
and shake his hand.
I'd say, "What's up Lefty?"

Another reason I love Aspen.
Guys with big Cajones, great big Cajones, strong, survivalist types.

And this quote from Aron, inspiring.
Certainly applies to anyone facing an immense decision or huge obstacle in life.

"The decision to severe my arm came when I realized that it was the last opportunity that I could have, and still have the physical strength to get myself out to where help could find me. At that point I wanted to have things in my control. ... The courage became more a matter of pragmatics than of could I withstand the actual actions that I had to take. It was more a concern of, 'Will I be able to think through this as I do it and keep on making good decisions once I'm halfway done?'"

True that.




posted by meesh at 9:43 AM


wFriday, May 16, 2003


Yeah! Go Hi-Speed Internet!

Broadcasting live from the crib,
later, anyhow, gots to go to work.

To all who contributed to the meesh mad money fund,
the cable company just got your dough,
right back at ya, though.

All is well,
sun is back out 70 or so,
thank god,
I was going to lose it being stuck up here in the middle of nowhere.

xoxxo

posted by meesh at 10:36 AM


wThursday, May 08, 2003


I feel like the Homeless Guy.
Blogging from the library.

Damn nicest computer lab I've ever been in.
And free, B.O.C.
Free things in Aspen are the best.
Like the bus.
Everywhere, on-time.
And the only place I know of where people say,
Hello
and Thank You to the bus driver as they get on and off.
and he says,
Have a Nice Day!

Ok, so I never took the bus ever before,
anywhere, but I'm sure it's not the ONLY place.
Tony, do you say thank you to your bus driver?

Free newspapers,
two of them,
ok so I wouldn't really wipe my ass with either
but on sloooooowww days in the off-season,
and no internet access
(I refuse to go back to dial-up....I JUST CAN'T!!@!!!!)
the only things to do are to watch the moguls fall off the steeps,
or to read every last AP article, advertisement, and classified in each the Times and the Daily.

So there are worse places to be stuck in than Aspen, I know,
but everything is so miserable right now.
The weather,
on and off sun, snow, rain,
bollocks.
I packed up most my winter clothes 2 weeks ago,
when it was 70 degrees and I was wearing flip flops,
and refuse to seek them out.
SO what if I've been wearing the same sweatshirt all week.
and the next 4-5 days predict the same dreary weather.

I have resorted to mingling my fashion senses.
Dressing like a freak if you will.
I am wearing long cargo shorts,
with camel fair-isle leg warmers I made from and old sweater,
a camel Kangol beanie,
suede mocs,
hoodie and ski jacket.

Waliking to the library,
a random lady said, "Hi!, you look cool"
"Actually, I'm warm" I retorted.
My pathetic attempt at sarcasm on a miserable day.

I painted my new room blue.
Like SKY blue.
It matches the color of the water on my huge map of the world.
I always had it over my bed, so I could dream of all the places I wanted to go.
But changed it up this time.
The new house is super.
I think I live in the only million-dollar trailer park in the nation.
Hmmmm.
Always wanted to live in a trailer.
Not sure why.
Runs in the blood I guess.
You've heard the ole "You ca take the girl out of the trailer park, but..."
and vice versa.
Sure, whatever.
It's my own little domain now.
All girlied up.
Peachy pink sunroom covered in plants,
2 Bedrooms and a big living room with a bay window.
Reminds me of the trailer parks on the beach back home,
in Seal and the Shores.
I made it all beachy themed too,
big pieces of coral line the front walkway,
starfish head the doorways and large abalone shells
decorate the bathroom.

And it has a great big DECK.
Some people say a small deck is better than no deck,
but I disagree.
Size matters in deck size.
It could probably hold ....mmmm. 30 people.
Nice, the housewarming is aloha themed
(Of course)
If the sun ever comes out again.

Well hello,
and how are you?
Hope to check comments and e-mail soon,
so say what up, and
catch you when the damn cable company can figure it out.




posted by meesh at 1:29 PM


wSunday, April 20, 2003


Whoa, it's 4:20.
I'm on a misssion



end of the season patiy at the Sky, yes, it's bikini weather.


MOST EPIC DAY SKIING EVER !!!!!
Maybe cause it was the last,
or is it really the first?
of something new.
Gots 2 go
ragers going on.

Only 210 more days till the season starts!



posted by meesh at 9:18 AM


wSaturday, April 19, 2003


It's the littlest things that make me breakdown these days.
I just can't help.
I AM a strong woman,
wish I was independent, apparently not,
but hey at least I thought I was still strong.

I think it's a Libra thing,
we are happiest in relationships.
We make great partners,
we balance,
and do I need to tell you....
AmAZIng in the sack.
I want so bad to make someone so incredibly happy.
Maybe I just forget what it's like to be independent.
Maybe I never have been.

Things that made me breakdown today (in tears):

1. I saw this woman came in with the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, dressed in a little handknit pink cardigan hoody.
Will that ever be me? being able to just stare into those innocent, loving, trusting eyes that just depend on you for life and joy.
Stare at them for hours and hours and just feel complete happiness. Not to mention she had the adoring husband, adoring her.

2. Twice today people discussed weddings in front of me. Talking about hairdos, And I said, "when I get married...I want my hair to be long and straight and natural with a ringlet of baby roses...." then I stopped and realized that may never ever happen, and started crying.

3. My girlfriend spent half the day creating an Easter basket for her boyfriend, went all out, themed it and all, and was going on about how they were staying at the Little Nell tonight (the nicest place in town, ok, well maybe the St. Regis is nicer, but Nell is romantic). And he'll probably scatter rose petals all around and stuff. I just couldn't deal.

4. Then I realized tomorrow is Easter, and I will be utterly and completely alone. I know I need to go to church and God and I really need to have a one on one bigtime. But why does he have to make Easter on the last day of the ski season, and it is dumping snow right now. Does God have Yahoo Instant Messenger? That would be good, I haven't been to church in so long, maybe I will just set up the shrine and pray for a while.

5. My friend dropped me off at home a bit ago, and going to his car, he said, "Let me get your skis". And I just completely lost it. I used to love it when my boyfriend would carry my skis. I felt so special. I don't know why, I just LOST it. He was like are you going to be OK.. But I am still tripping over it. Maybe my friend is just a caring person and a gentlemen. But as my girlfriend told me, "You need to butch up". She's a lesbian, but she is absolutely right.

Why, why can't I just be satisfied being alone in single.
I mean I like to sleep in the middle of the bed,
who doesn't.
But he would let me sleep in the middle
and hunch up of to the one side,
and let me put my ice cold feet under his warm ones.
And have the newspaper on the table when I rolled out of bed,
I needed that.
And the fireplace would always be going
and the house would be all warm and cozy.
But it's cold now, and I'm almost out of wood,
and I don't even bother with the paper anymore.

I don't know how this relates,
but this is a song from A perfect Circle
called 3 Libras, and it is just a sick song:


3 Libras

threw you the obvious
and you flew
with it on your back,
a name in your recollection,
down among a million same.
difficult not to feel
a little bit disappointed
and passed over
when i've looked right through
to see you naked but oblivious
and you don't
see me.
but i threw you the obvious
just to see if there's more
behind the eyes
of a fallen angel,
the eyes of a tragedy.
here i am expecting just a little bit
too much from
the wounded.
but i see
see through it all
and see you.
cause i threw you the obvious
to see what occurs behind
the eyes of a fallen angel,
eyes of a tragedy.
oh well.
oh well.
apparently nothing.
apparently nothing at all.
you don't see me.
you don't see me at all.




why it's called 3 Libras I'm not sure,
I think 3 Libras can form a Perfect Circle.
And you know what else is weird is that 3 is my number.
But it certainly refers to the nature of a Libra to trust
and to try and try and try to see what's behind the hurt and untrust.

Mon dieu.

It will get better.
It will get better.
Like she said, "Butch up"
ok, I feel better...

but my page is still white not blue like it's supposed to be,
it was, once in like the last three days, and then stopped,
it wants to be white.
Ok, then, you go blog, do your own thing.



posted by meesh at 6:01 PM


wFriday, April 18, 2003





This is a picture of Aspen mountain during this crazy race they do every year,
called the 24 hours of Aspen.
The mountain looks so SICK when they light it up like that.
SO this is the base of the mountain,
the run is called Little Nell
which drops you basically in the middle of town
and the Gondola, or Gondoobie as we like to often call it.

So anyway this race involves all the top ski racers from around the world
and they LITERALLY ski for 24 mother freaking hours straight. Insane, huh?
To go from summit to base it takes the racers like maybe 2, 2 and a half minutes
to ski down about 3 miles. They get up to nearly 100 mph, coming throught the gulch.
The Gondola takes you back up to the summit (about 3300 feet) in 15 minutes,
longer if it gets windy.
In fact they had to stop the race for like 2 hours because the wind was howling that night.
so the racers warm up and take naps, and eat and stuff during that time.
More than half the people don't finish

Cool facts:

1. More than 800 volunteers are needed to put on the race, many of whom stay up the entire 24 hours. (Including me!!!)
2. During the race, competitors consume 600 bananas, 50 pounds of cooked pasta, 20 pounds of cooked rice and 20 pounds of cooked potatoes.
3. Racers munch on about 200 Balance bars; volunteers polish off another 1,300. (I had about 7)
4. Each racer drinks about eight gallons of hot PowerAde and five gallons of water.
5. The java-loving racers, volunteers and media consume 5,500 cups of coffee. (I had about 30)
6. Ski techs from local ski shops provide approximately 750 ski tunes/wax jobs throughout the race.
7. Each racer uses up to 5 pairs of skis (the minimum recommended number to rotate is three.)
8. The coldest temperatures to date were recorded in 1997 when it reached -15°F (not including wind chill.)
9. Over the course of 24 sleepless hours, racers spend about 3 hours skiing, 1 hour loading in the lower gondola, and 20 hours resting their weary legs in the gondola.
10. Racers have been clocked skiing as fast as 99 m.p.h. through an area of the course called Spar Gulch.
11. More than 300,000 watts of power are needed to light up the course during the night.
12. Unlike classic endurance events, like marathons and triathlons, this challenging race requires short bursts of anaerobic activity (usually between two and three minutes on the slopes) alternated with about 15 minutes of rest (while riding the gondola to the top).
13. Bathroom breaks? No way. On the gondola racers use Ziploc baggies and "necessity buckets" lined with plastic bags and kitty litter.
14. Racers crave chocolate cake, sushi or pizza? No problem. Volunteers are on hand to supply racers with any food they want. Aspen's City Market is just a three-minute jog from the base of Aspen Mountain. Plus, Domino's delivers.
15. Inside the gondola cars, skiers are wrapped in special comforters developed from NASA technology designed to cool warm bodies, warm cool bodies, and help flush lactic acid from tired muscles.
16. The Iowa-based company that provides all of the lighting along the nearly three-mile race course begins setting up a week before the race, working only in the evenings after the mountain closes.
17. Spectators can watch the race from the bleachers at the base of the gondola (bleachers seat about 200 people). Plus, the gondola will be open to the public at night during the race. Spectators can ride to the top of the mountain and enjoy hot chocolate and strudel while they cheer on the racers.
18. In '98, various fundraising events surrounding the 24 Hours race raised a record $1.2 million to benefit the Silver Lining Foundation and the Aspen Valley Ski/Snowboard Club.
19.The most vertical feet skied in 24 hours by a man is 271,161 (83 laps.) Earning the nickname "Superman," Chris Kent of Canada set the world record in 1991. The record still stands.
20. Surprisingly, racers don't want to sleep right after the grueling race. Most of them compare notes and re-live the action at a post-race party at the Sky Hotel (official race headquarters) immediately following the closing ceremonies. (Kick-ass Party!!))
21. It's not unusual to find racers, in full ski gear with trophies in hand, reveling in the lodge Jacuzzi.

Well thought I'd share one of the cooler things that goes on in Aspen,
alll Winter there was just some killer party or celebration every week.
Sadly I missed out on a lot cause of the loser guy I was blinded by.

Some come visit!
I need a roomie!!!!




posted by meesh at 6:53 PM


wTuesday, April 15, 2003


(Why is it freaking white, I'm blue god damn it BLUE?!??!?!Q?!?)

Three thirty in the morning
Not a soul in sight
The city's lookin' like a ghost town
On a moonless summer night
Raindrops on the windshield
There's a storm moving in
He's headin' back from somewhere
That he never should have been
And the thunder rolls
And the thunder rolls

The thunder rolls
And the lightnin' strikes
Another love grows cold
On a sleepless night
As the storm blows on
Out of control
Deep in her heart
The thunder rolls

(YES, IT'S gARTH FREAKIN BROOKS, SO WHAT??)

the storm IS moving in.
It is sort of a combination of hail, wet snow, driving straight down.

I love when the weather matches your mood.
Maybe it is all the electricity in the air.
Like Spring Fever is a real phenomenon.
I am feeling it.
I just hope it dumps a foot or so,
Sunday the last of the 4 mountains closes.
Time to put away our winter toys and break out the summer ones.
What's weird is it was 65 2 days ago, and I was getting baked poolside
(by the sun).





This was taken at the top of Elk Camp in Snowmass 12, 000= feet up.
I've been faking smiles alot lately it sucks.
This one was real, super happy ski day.
I want to be old meeshy again,
the sunshine,
the smiles,
young healthy boys by my side.
Anyone??
Maybe if we all think it together it will come true.
I believe in that.



The Dalai Lama said great love and great achievements involve great risk.
What do you think about that?
I risked so much that now my heart is choking me with the big chunks it's been ripped apart into.
And the really sad part is I still love him madly,
as I pack up pictures and find old cards,
toss them into the fireplaces, memories of 2 years of my life up in smoke.
I could never do what he did.
Sure I reacted freakishly.
That's not love, that's self-love, selfishness, and hatred so bad for yourself.
Why do I always want to be the angel to save someone?
Can I be bitter now?



This is my super cute Swedish friend Aisha, isn't she just tres adorable??
She needs a boyfriend, she is the best. And nearly legal.
Ok boys start planning your Aspen adventures this summer.
We'll be waiting and in dire need of some sexual healing.
Me, I just need a certain Santa Cruz boy,
who makes me smile like I smiled
before I forgot how to smile.



posted by meesh at 1:45 PM


w


Secret forces are bringing compatible spirits together.
If the man permits himself to be led by this ineffable attraction,
good fortune will come his way.
When deep friendships exist,
formalities and elaborate preparations are not necessary.

-I Ching (B.C. 1150?)
-Chinese Book of Changes


Times of general calamity and confusion have ever been
productive of the greatest minds.
The purest ore is produced from the hottest furnace,
and the brightest thunderbolt is elicited from the darkest storm.

-Colton (1780-1832)English Sportsman and Writer

posted by meesh at 1:25 PM


wSunday, April 13, 2003


I'm washing Valium down with Hennessey right now.
Yeah that's bad, I know, but being bad feels pretty good sometimes.
It comes straight from Portugal 10 mg x 100 for 96 bucks. best deal in town.
Order yours today, but keep it it on the DL.

Anyone want to rescue me from this eclectic mountain town?
I feel like I'm stuck in the some mountains like some 2 day hike into the Tibetan Annapurnas..
I'd start a Save Meesh fund or some shit, a la whatever the beez natches name was Kate, that's not it? somethin.
but I got backing and I just hate to fucking ask for shit. But god damn, I could use some warm sand a bucket of Coronas and a tree house in Costa.

Anyone?


posted by meesh at 9:55 PM


w



For Johnny:


Someday when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.

You're lovely with your smile so warm
And your cheek so soft;
There is nothing for me but to love you,
Just the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart.
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose
Touches my foolish heart.

Lovely, never, never change,
Keep that breathless charm,
Won't you please arrange it.
'Cause I love you,
Just the way you look tonight



I wish I made it up for you love, but it's Sinatra baby, (and Tony Bennet?). someone correct me.
(Music by Jerome Kern
with lyrics Dorothy Fields)

posted by meesh at 5:22 AM


wSaturday, April 12, 2003


Well, I've browsed the archives, and shit, there's some goood stuff.

she's not cheap, she's free!
Bad kitty !!!
Erotica, anyone?
Eat some pussy
Masturbating and driving, oooh yeah
100 things
Bitter, naaaaah
Shave your kitty
Anal (no, not retentive)
What is sexy?



posted by meesh at 6:18 PM


w





Dude, I don't even know how to do this geek shit anymore, and I swear I am like 15 pounds lighter than in this picture. Fuckin A, you hate me, I know.

The thing is, it's so easy to talk about life when it just rocks, and everything is like, Ha ha my life rules way harder than yours does. And I have so much dope shit pent up inside just waiting to explode, but shit is going down right now, like restraining orders and harrasment, and this town is way too fucking small, waaaaaay small to talk about any of it.

God damn, if you only knew.

I try to check e-mail every now and then, but I swear, sometimes your comments really make my day, in a month from now, I will be super happy mellow cool chic again, and then maybe I can talk about it, but I am ok, and getting better every day, and I can't believe you all haven't X-ed me from your links.
I've wanted so many times to , start writing my ass off, but I am in a really tough place right now.
Browsed some newish blogs and they kinda suck ass, so I am going to get on it. Trust in me, that is the one constant I can't let go of, and as soon as I can upload some tracks, I made a cool song blog for you special folks out there.
On the positive note, the skiing is still pretty sick, Aspen mountain closes next weekend, and I have the cutest mother fucking pink skis in town. And I work for a guy named Jack, who has 4 houses in Aspen. figure it out. Yeah, JACK.

Fuck I look fat in this pic. OK, gonna find a pic with my cute ass skis so y'all can see.

P.S. Ladies, don't take any fucking bullshit from any man, you are a queen.

posted by meesh at 5:56 PM


wWednesday, December 11, 2002






Meesh with dog friends (Aspen Ski patrol dog, and mini huskie from visiting Shartse monks)




View from the kitchen window, doin' dishes, aaaahhh. Ajax baby.






The river at Rio Grande park, from the little bridge, on my way to work.


See that shit in the background?? That's what I'm talking about, Highland bowl.
You know you want some.


Love ya, miss ya! , ~xoxox


posted by meesh at 11:39 PM


w


WHERE'S YOUR ASS BEEN?!!!

GET??! Ass-pen!!!
hahahyaha, ok, yes, what can I say, it is one crazy snowy time, ok, not too, snowy, but FINALY it is snowing again.
You know when you are just processing so much information, you don't know how to put it in to ABC's??
Well, that's me.

Sooo much stories to tell, and yes, I have been skiing my ass off (Yep, I'm a SKIER, now, who would thunk it)

And once you spend so much time away from the computer (fighting the monster), it is really hard to reacclimate, barely getting used to the 8000 above sea level!!

But, HELLO!!!
What the FUCK is up?!?!?

I will get right on that, hmmm, what story to tell first?

Muuuaahhhahahhahahaa.
xoxoxoxooxooxoxXOXOOXOXOXOXOOX

Meeshness


posted by meesh at 9:34 PM


wFriday, November 22, 2002


I have a secret. I have a secret.
Just watching all the Aaron nonsense going on around here, is making me want to blow.

1. He is actually a super charming guy, in a bland polite way.
2. He is one hell of a pool player, and gave me quite the run for my money.
3. He is not engaged to Helene (sshhhh), and said he chose her as the lesser of two evils.
4. He is as horrible a kisser as he looks on TV, all lips, no style.
5. He is pretty damn tall, nice shoulders, thinning hair.
6. He can hold his liquor pretty damn good.
7. He did not invite me back to his hot tub.
8. I would not become Mrs. Bachelor, and move to Missouri for all the Harry Winston diamonds and tv teasers in all the world.
9. I would however liked to have felt his package, just so I could share his penis size with all the internet.
10. He thinks Trista is one of the most annoying people on the planet.

So that's it, my Aaron scoop, sure they will be more bits to come, that is, if he doesn't find out I've exposed them the the hundred people out there reading this.
And NO, I am not blue because I am in love with the guy, totally unrelated.


posted by meesh at 11:03 AM


wWednesday, November 20, 2002


And Ask Meesh would still love to respond to your inquiries on sex, love, and relationships, but mostly sex, because I suck at the other two, hahah, Okay, I SUCK at all of them, and I love TONY pIERCE (my Libra twin) AND ALSO sTEPHEN gREEN (my CO gent, should have been mine in a past life). and Plain Layne you keep changing your site every time I click over! You rock.
Alos I have been meaning to mention it, but this 3rd leg guy is a really god damn great writer. Reminds me of my boy Kool Keith a little, and not just the template. Oh, And I am so stoked when Chris Ward talks about his penis. And also when he calls me Her Meeshness. That is so special.

Insert pleas and excertations below.

posted by meesh at 5:44 PM


w


It's not easy being an angel.

You know someone once commented to me and sort of inquired/commented as to how I could provide such intimate details of my personal life. Well I don't think I really do, or offer up such details to the masses. I don't talk about my personal problems, per se, and i DO have personal problems. My life is not all puppy dogs and celebrities and jet-setting, and hot babes.

I spend a good portion of my life getting abused and ridiculed and kicked and I keep coming back for more. Sometimes I think there are people like me so that people like , other people can feel better about themselves. When people are really needy and emotionally train-wrecked, I take it upon myself to do everything I can to help that person. And it is damn hard. No matter how many times I get dissed and pushed away and demeaned, I don't have it in me to give up on a person. I just don't.

So when I am silent and reflective, and non posting, that tends to mean that there are things going on in my life that I am having trouble putting in to words and understanding. Do I think it will blow my image if I discuss the things that I would otherwise harbor and stuff down and keep anonymous about? I guess the thought had crossed my mind.

Have you ever seen someone crying on the street, all fully grieving, alone and sobbing? And you think to yourself, should I stop and try to comfort her, someone should, well you should. Sometimes that is me. Ok, not literally, cause I do try to maintain a cheerful outlook at all times. I think, I am this rock, this modicum of self-confidence, nothing anyone can do or say will stop me from my mission of guidance. And it is a mission. I neglect myself, my personal responsibility and devote 100 percent of myself to a case.

Why do I do it? I'm not really sure. Because I can. And personally, I am not all that ambitious. I don't need a fat salary, although I have. I don't need tons of friends, although I have. I don't need tons of supporters, or therapists, or well-wishers, although I have. I have no bills, or needs I can't provide, or the kindness of strangers fail to. I never think that i will not be Ok, or that my problems are unsolvable. I always get what I need, and most of the time, what I want.

But living life this way is not always a pleasure. I can talk about how the Bachelor Aaaron and I played 6 games of pool this weekend (and hate to ruin the ending for you guys, but ok I won't). Or how Jamie Kennedy is a mad , ok I won't divulge that either. I want to spread happy good stories as much as possible, not involving my cats, but my life does not encompass that. I have a sad, dark, depressing side to my photogenic lifestyle.

Just thought you should know, because I want to be true to the internet. It is so easy to project a one-sidedness, a happy front, but I am normal, and troubled, and have a splitting headache right now.

I wish I could find a way to portray a self that is true and whole, and helps others feel that they are not alone in their emptiness and sorrow. But I have never been that person. I am always to busy worrying about other people. With good looks, and charm, and talent, I feel like what the fuck do I have to complain about. Waaaah waaah my life is sooo tough. I live in Aspen in the winters, the coast in the summer. I have shearling coats, cashmere sweaters and snakeskin boots. I have 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, down pillows, and 1000 thread count sheets. Heath Ledger is my bitch and Kurt Russel walks my dog.

But I am lonely, damn lonely, and sometimes I crawl under my rustic barn wood desk and cry, and wake up disgusting and puffy eyed. And the only person I feel I have in this world is my 200 pound Newfie. And that is not really enough. And i don't know how to change. And all I want to do is go home to mommy and daddy, and have the wing of my house all to myself. But I am 27 fucking years old, and I don't know what in the world to do with myself.

God damn that was depressing. But I needed to get it out, and I wanted you to know, and love me if you still. And now my drink is empty, did you think? and time to refill it with my tangerine ice-cubes and Ketel one.

Ok, I feel better.

and you know what would be really cool, is if you would sign the Guestmap. I am really easy to please.
Oh and the stupid poll, too, because I really like Green.


posted by meesh at 4:39 PM


wFriday, November 15, 2002


Calling all geeks:

You know, I tend to get a little squirrely when I read the technical rambles that some blogs serve up, but this is an issue of physical and mental health here people.
I am going blind from this new monitor and it has only been 45 minutes. It seems to be shaking a bit like a junkee on the 20th hour of withdrawl. Whatever the case, I can't bear to look at my brand new 19 inch, and my eyeballs are swelling up like a 3 day old zit. Help!!! Am I just out of shape? Can I do something else to adjust? WTF? My eyes! I'm blind.
The sides of the picture are kind of shivering or something. It's killing me.

Okay if anyone can help, that would just be super, otherhoo, I don't know what I shall do. Oh yes I do, off to ride, opening day at Ajax, late.


posted by meesh at 12:13 PM