"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream" -- Edgar Allan Poe
If you want to have crazy, vivid dreams at night, just wear an eye mask. Not only does it enable me to sleep for 12 hours at a time. It gives you dreams so incredibly real. I even remember thinking (in my dream), "Wow, this is so strange because I've actually had this dream before, but this, this is real". The recurring dream that was blowing my mind was the one where my teeeth are crumbling apart and I keep spitting out little pieces of them, it FREAKS me out. According to Yahoo astrology-dream anaylsis, teeth symbolize power and control. "Look and see if you are losing or abusing power and control in any area of your life (especially if you are losing teeth in your dream)." True, true, I suppose.
My parents went to Australia for 2 weeks and all they brought me was this stupid plush koala backpack. I was like WTF?, what am I 12. I've only been carrying the same leather Coach purse for 5 months now. My dad goes, "Yeah you know, for like casual, on the weekends". Oh yeah, you mean like when I pull out my Rainbow Brite teeshirts and pink platform tennishoes? I have never in my life even considered such a thing, OK, this one time, I was like "Oh, Pooh, that's kind of cute". And I only was into a minibackpack stage for about 3 months, but it was just so functional. Anyhow, I was trying to figure out some way to make it into the UGG boots that I really wanted, cause it is reeeealy plush and cuddly.
Ebay update: The auction for Bomb.com ended yesterday with not one bid meeting the asking minimum asking price of $15,000. It is now relisted for $3000. Bomb is just such a completely uncool word at the moment. I mean no one even says "That's the Bomb!" anymore. And this guy is trying to sell all these crappy domain names for $7.5 million. I mean coffe.us stocksmarket.us ??? I would take Bomb.com for $7.5 million over any of those.
This weekend is Santa Barbara's Summer Solstice Parade and Festival. The actual Summer Solstice is June 21. As you may know this is the longest day of the year as well as the first day of summer. Some say the solstice drives people to do strange things. Well at least I will have an excuse.
So I read the Salon article, Can Semen Cure the Blues?, and I had a couple of theories of my own. If a woman is having sex without condoms, a couple of things could be deduced from that. 1) She is in a monogamous "safe" (some say) relationship which in turn makes her happy. 2) She is simply not worried about getting a disease (a big bummer with having unprotected sex) and fuck the whole I'm-going-to-die-if-I-don't attitude or 3) Having sex with condoms just feels better. His reasoning seems to involve the idea that lesbians don't enjoy the same benefits. Could this just be one man's ploy to get women to swallow his cum?
On a totally unrelated bodily function note: I ate a pound and a half of King crab legs for dinner last night (just steamed 'em, it was too easy, on special at Vons) and it caused me to belch like a foghorn. Now if you know me, you know that I can produce gas with the best of them, but it was unlike the effects of any root beer or Heineken I have ever experienced. Anyone else ever have that experience?
My mother always told me that if I had to go to the bathroom that I should just go. All that motherly advice, the fact that I have a bladder the size of a thimble, compounded by a triple shot caramel latte, came back to haunt me when I went in for my daily dose of Tony Pierce and nearly pissed my pants. Thank God for all those kegel exercises I have been doing!
6/19/02 - So I like, the rest of you probably, have been duped into following the Date Project for close to two weeks now. Is it just me, or is it beginning to seem more and more like the Non-date Project now than anything else? Even if it was the Stalking Project I would be enjoying that much more. Is he ever going to actually have a freaking conversation with someone? I was even like, "Wuzzup, I gots some girlies in Portland, lemme hook you up". Exciting new project my ass. Listen guy you better start taking some of that help because it sounds like you are going to be needing it.
6/19/02 - So people keep asking me what the fight was about, and rather than relate it over and over again, here it is for all to see. Oh and here are naked pictures of my ex-boyfriend. Soon my friends, coming soon. So we saw Insomnia, I thoroughly enjoyed it, jumped into his lap when he almost runs into the semi. Played airhockey at the theatre. Life is great. The we are leaving the theatre and my phone rings. Usually I leave it at home, but whatever it was in my purse. I go to turn off the ringer and he says why don't you ever answer your phone. No matter if I do or not the ending is always the same. "Who is it, what are you hiding, nyah, nyeh..." So he goes off into a jealous tirade, tries to run us off the road and it ends up messy, very messy folks, like I am going to call 911 messy, like someone didn't take their medication today messy, like I got a fat lip messy (not by his fist thank god, or it would be an ex-boyfriend in a pool of blood messy) And that once again is the end of Gonzo and I. Stay Tuned.
6/19/02 - Have I told that I love T-shirt Hell? I am all fired up with the government's commercials saying that if you do drugs that you are supporting terrorists, so I was so happy when I saw this. If I was a camgirl, and I had a wishlist. I would say, "Oh won't some super special guy just love to buy this for me, beccause I would be so ever grateful I just might send you a picture of me in my pink panties wearing it just for you!" But I'm not. Incidentally if you have not read this months Playboy article (yes, I do read it for the articles) Put these Guys in Rehab, it is a must read. It goes onto to point out that since most terrorists are from the Middle East and since most Middle East countries become rich from selling oil, then if you drive a gas-guzzling SUV, then aren't YOU funding terrorists? just buy it, great 20q with Chris Isaak, and Adriana, the Wonderbra model is smokin. also Fred Durst.
Shane is the best!
Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.
I’m sorry to hear you’re not in great form at the moment, and all I can say is I know the feeling! ALL OF THIS WEEK I HATE NORTEL!!! In fact, in this day and age, it can be very easy to hate an organisation, a friend, a lover or even your own cat sometimes!!!
But in the end, hate is like a cancer--it always corrodes the personality and eats away at its vital unity. Hate always destroys a person’s sense of values and objectivity. I remember on a school field trip to Ireland once when I visited the house of George Bernard Shaw, and right there in front of me was a brass plaque on the wall reading “Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated”. Sometimes in life it’s easy to allow ourselves to fall into this trap and be intimidated (I can feel it myself at the moment!!)
But we are all made of strong stuff, and as my boss said to me on my last day at Nortel: “You never get strong in life if you never lift heavy weights!”
Hope this email puts a smile back on your face :-)
Your Scottish friend (5144 miles away!!!)
Web cafe: Bracknell 8.55pm 6/18/02
6/18/02 - Ok so we all have googled our names and then sent threatening e-mails to those pretending to be us, but how cool am I that you can actually buy my CD and sell my old ones. Apparently I am a 300 pound gospel singing black woman. I am also a 300 pound white woman
6/18/02 - "The game and character were christened "Puckman," from the Japanese pakupaku, meaning to flap one's mouth open and closed. (Is there anything the Japanese don't have a word for?)" read more....
6/18/02 - for all those who have found your selves here (how did I...? where the..? Click here to redirect to my homepage and find a little more about me (Meesh), thanks for visiting, happiness to follow, or at least something masking as humor. Oh and I really don't want to kill you, and I would feel a little bad if you killed yourself, but if you do, will you leave everything to me?
6/18/02 - very emotional and painful past couple of days. Maybe it will feel better (or worse) to blog about it. You hurt me so bad, like I knew that you would. There I go again believing the best and expecting the worst, another affirmation of intuition. I knew that you were just like HIM, that in this world you will come across the same person twice, is it a test? But is the test to act differently, because now you know, or try harder to make the difference, to make this time turn out differently?
That old fear is with me again, the untrust, the pain, the uncertainty of living and achieving. I gave up so much for you I gave up everything. Seems like you could of just woken up one day and decided that you would live your life differently, decide that she means more to you than anything else in this world, that with her love and with her standing by your side that all things in this world were possible, that you COULD, that we COULD, but we CAN'T and you most certainly CANNOT.
What a painful life to live, how it pains the world that you are here, how to wake up every day and deny that there is a possibility that there is someone who understands, who cares. What's this life for, why must you live in pain, why must I live in fear??? It is the chance I take with every living day. I DO matter, I DO make a differnce, if not to you then it WILL be to someone else. I am beautiful, I am smart, it matters that I am here. Thank God for saving me from you, from pulling me out of that miserable existence which stunted my soul from reaching like breathing, unable to reach capacity, slowly dying , slowly adapting to the darkness and lifelessness..
I will love again, and be loved again, there is someone there who knows my soul, who senses and has already felt for my heart without me even reaching. He knows, he felt my pain before I even remembered his love, just like he always does. He knows me like you never will because I am a part of him and he is a part of me and you will never know that feeling.