jack: i dated this lesbian once and she converted back just because i gave good head
jack: i learned how to give head from this stripper i once dated in college. she gave me a hundred dollars everytime i brought her to multiple orgasms
jack: it was hard to do. she was a tough cookie
jack: she had issues
meesh: oh you got a million of them don't you??!!@
jack: i believe she truly wanted to come alot; she seemed dedicated
jack: she would let me go at it for hours
jack: bottom and top
meesh: who wouldn't?
jack: i made two hundred in one night
meesh: that makes you a whore
jack: that means she came 4-5 times
jack: she tell the story as if it was one long roller coaster ride with peaks and drops
jack: the way i explain finding the "place" for all you beginners is:
meesh: you beginners, excuse me? i don't eat pussy, oh speaking metaphorically…
jack: have you ever seen a cross section of a sea shell
meesh: a scallop?
meesh: or a crabbie?
jack: spiral diagram
jack: well the point or knob
jack: is in the centre, tucked away behind a hood
jack: so lets see
meesh: yeah babe, I am familiar with my bod
meesh: I know exactly where it is
jack: with the diagram - no i know you do i am speaking in terms of what a guy has to imagine in his mind in order to find it and keep it.
meesh: oh, ok
meesh: keep going
jack: finding it is easy
jack: keeping it is hard
meesh: hahaha, hard! yes, i think it takes exercises
jack: because it keeps moving away
meesh: tongue revolutions
meesh: a little sucking is necessary
meesh: for sure
jack: most def
meesh: sometimes gentle licking drives you most crazy too though
jack: sounds are good too
meesh: oh a must
jack: i like to kiss it sometimes
meesh: not all the time?
jack: its part of a routine; a cycle
jack: what i imagine in my head is if i was a female with a "point" what would i like -
meesh: it is a fucking tiny penis
meesh: think of it that way
meesh: or maybe not
jack: with the stripper - we can call her desire - it actually was just like a penis. i could actually make out with my tongue - a shaft with a tiny bulb at the top. i could feel it get big and it grew right under my tongue. her "place" was like a flower. it would bloom and recess, bloom and recess.
meesh: I call mine a snapdragon
jack: her "place" was the most unique of all my "places" i guess thats why she stripped. it was not the one i loved most. my last g-friend. the one i saw at coachella. i loved her "place" the most. everything about it was great. it never smelled. it was always perfect. it was picture perfect. full and robost
jack: one night when we were really high on xtc and i was visiting her "place" i began to think it was moving and pulsating way more than it should. like the vortex in the first star trek movie - the one that spock went flying into. V - ger was the sound it made. right then i knew
jack: that this was right
jack: man and the "place"
meesh: woah scary was it going to reach out and suck you in??
jack: it did
jack: metaphorical speaking
jack: it still sucks me in
jack: look how much i wrote about this "place"
jack: i need to get back to work, or
jack: eat some pussy
i learned it all from penthouse forum too.
when he tried to give me the birds and bees talk when i was 16,
he asked if i had any questions first,
i said, nah, i read everything i need to know from penthouse.
he said, good.
so i said, all i need now is to be a pizza man, or go hiking with my two female roommates and i'll be getting sex in all sorts of ways. he patted me on the head and gave me a condom.
that was the extent of the whole talk.------Tony Pierce
I am sure alot of you out there learned a little bit about what you know from Penthouse Forum. Hopefully though, not how to write.
Since I will be out of town for a week starting tomorrow, I would enjoy and appreciate it immensely, in alot of ways, to read about what you guys (and girls) fantasize about, about a spectacular sexual encounter, or simply describing your techniques for giving pleasure.
Did I mention I will be hiking the Pac crest trail with 3 incredibly hot hippie chics? They like to run around naked all the time. And if they like what they read maybe it will lead to some sexy group photos. Ok, well I am not a tease, there will definitely be some sexy hippie hiker photos.
I am getting a little better with the cam (see the pic I took below, Wait! That's not my cat! How did..?).
So get your juices flowing and slide it into my box. (Sorry, I couldn't resist!)
08/29/02 Jazz Aspen Festival Snowmass, Colorado
09/29/02 Austin City Limits Music Festival Austin, Texas
10/10/02 County Bowl Santa Barbara, California Buy Tickets
10/11/02 Greek Theatre Los Angeles, California Buy Tickets
10/12/02 Rimac Sports Field San Diego, California Buy Tickets
This is the best birthday present in the whole world. I think I can actually make it to every show! The tour gods are shining upon me right now! If any G.Love/Jack fans want to sponsor meesh down in SD or Austin, let me know! (magic word=Pleeassse!)
Sometimes I think the whole chihuahua thing has gotten out of hand. You either love them or you don't. Me, I don't. I mean god forbid the freakin little rats let their legs touch the floor. They do however, look infinitely cuter dressed in one of these getups.
"We're a couple of no-name slobs. We belong to nobody. We don't even belong to each other." --Holly
Some people are bad pet owners
In some ways I think owning animals in and of itself is kind of a bad thing. I always feel horribly for the huge koi in our backyard in their little 12 x 12 pond. Some of them are bigger than they circumference of my index finger to thumb, and I have long fingers. They just swim back and forth all day with sad eyes. Then we have these little turtles in a bowl on my coffee table. My mom picked them up in some back alley in chinatown, they were probably a little bigger than a silver dollar. Tiny little things. The sides of the bowl are blown glass, I bet the world looks really trippy to them from inside. They are always trying to get out.
I even kind of felt bad "having" a cat. Took me 2 years to name her (Chairman Meow, I was studying chinese), but she still has always gone by kitty. I guess you could say I was in my Holly Go Lightly phase. I always think of that scene in Breakfast at Tiffany's where she just gets out of jail, and Fred/Paul/George Peppard picks her up in a taxi and has all her stuff. She plans to just take off for Argentina, and Fred is pleading with her, you can't leave cat and I. She throws cat out of the taxi, cat is crying and she just bails out. It is just the saddest thing ever. The first time I saw it, I was like, No, no! You have to go back and get her! (she does)
I would never give my cat the boot, but I make sure that she knows she is free to go at any time. She is almost ten years old, and has never worn a collar. Some might think, Bad Kitty Mama, but you know that look that cats get when you put a collar on them? how they kind of roll their eyes and look sideways at you? I couldn't take that, so we have this mutually honest relationship, where I don't treat her like a whoring bitch and she doesn't make me feel like the evil animal dom. I think I am a good pet owner, she seems happy and gives me incredible happiness in return.
Some people are bad plant owners.
I banned myself from buying any more plants after college. My mom helped me move out of that last apartment and had me in tears over my poor plant survival skills. We threw out over a dozen houseplants, a pygmy palm, and a ficus. Everytime I try to pick up a new one, my friends are like, Meesh, NO! No plants for you! It is depressing to watch a plant die a slow death. You keep hoping they will spring back, but they never do, for me anyways. I buy tons of flowers, though, because it is expected they will die. no maintenance. Maybe I will try a orchid someday soon.
Some people are bad camera owners.
The first camera I ever had was a pink Barbie one with a daisy printed wrist strap. I must have been 7 or so. I took a whole roll of assorted poses of my cat looking at my cock-eyed and the obligatory mirror shots. I thought I was Ansel fucking Adams, and upon viewing my first printed roll, I was certain the rolls had been mixed up, the camera broken and vowed to never pick up another camera as long as I lived. My dreams dashed, but not forgotten, I started to beg for one around 1990, not a kiddie one I told my parents, that was what the problem was, cheap ass camera. I got a shiny, sleek Olympus for Christmas that year, and it didn't leave my wrist for weeks. Two weeks to be exact. I was at the beach (yes, in January, for some reason we always get the sick ass weather here around Xmas, seventies and 6 foot), laying just at the top edge of the high tide berm. I was stoned by the sun (that was all, I am pretty sure) and as I tried to lapse out of my teen consciousness, I felt the water come up over the berm and lap at my ankles. Mmmmm, it felt nice, the water came up about another foot and flooded my towel, and everything on it, including my brand new camera. I think I got maybe one roll out of that thing, they were all of us opening presents. That was it for me, no more cameras. I've probably gone through about 40 disposables. They are just right for me. I leave them all over the place, I am always finding ones half done. It is like mystery roll! Exciting. Another tradition I have is stealing the pictures from the developer. If I know it is a total roll of crap I can't stand to pay 7 or 8 bucks, so I take em to Rite-Aid or Target and make off with them. Don't try this at home!
The whole reason I started thinking about this stuff today was because I did get a new camera today. A digital one! Yes, I am super high tech now. I am not used to how crisp and clear the pictures look. I am used to crappy webcam photos, where you could have the Big Dipper across your face and no one would know. I got a cheap one (about $250) ,it is 2.2 megapixels, but then you have to go and buy it a bunch of little friends. I got a 16mb and 64mb compact flash cards, a docking station for one touch uploads, and the USB card reader (another $200). In the future it will need more batteries, a case, a tripod, that is if it doesn't get stolen or I lose it somewhere in the next 30 days.
I tried using the timer and taking some self portraits, but haven't had any keepers yet. I am hyped on it though, I vow to be a resposible camera owner, to protect it from the elements, and thieves everywhere. Let's just hope the camera cooperates. I am taking a train through southern Oregon on Sunday and hope to take some purdy pics to share with y'all! Cross your fingers.
My mouth waters when I think back to that first sexual encounter with Katherine—she was a sweet one, twenty years old, and the head wheel woman in the kitchen at the restaurant where I worked part-time, waiting tables. Damn, could she move that little body of hers. She could cook for a hundred people and get all their food out in front of them in forty-five minutes flat, if not sooner. But as I was privileged enough to discover, the extent of her “talent” in the kitchen was not fully exemplified in her cooking alone.
She was 5’6” and 119 pounds of dark hair, puppy-dog eyes, and soft, soft skin. Most women—and there weren’t that many in the kitchen staff—were older, and didn’t pay much attention to their appearance while at work.
They’d throw a semi-clean hat over their greasy, stringy hair, and stumble into work with eyes distant and minds somewhere else—but not Katherine. She was always dressed neatly in clean clothes, and always had her beautiful dark silky hair fastened up in a tight Princess Lea-esque French twist. She wore her cook’s hat elegantly—as she wore everything, with that aura of confidence and ambition she had about her. Her eyes were big, bright, and beautiful in that wild untamed way that a young woman’s eyes can be. She’d stare at me with them, a fond kind of expression, casually biting on her bottom lip. When those sparkling brown eyes were coupled with that gorgeous smile of hers, it made me believe I was in love with her. In fact, sometimes I think the only reason I got up to go to that shitty job, was to see her smile at me the way she did.
I had all kinds of fantasies involving Katherine—dragging her soft naked petite body across the cold metallic flooring of the walk-in freezer, fucking her brains out, the door barricaded with one of the steel roll-away shelves, both of us sweaty and grunting, trying our best to not to be too loud—or the one with her firm thighs wrapped tightly around me as I screw her against the wall in dry storage, hidden only by a couple of wooden shelves—her hot breath in my ear as she whispers my name in that sweet sighing voice of hers, me, sliding my wet tongue over her subtle B cup breasts—God, I had it bad for her. I wanted her in the worst way. If you had told me that we’d do what we did, back then—before it happened, I would have laughed in your face. Never in a thousand lifetimes did I even fathom that one of my Katherine fantasies would be made real.
But it did—it became very real, and on a day seemingly like all others. It was around 2 p.m., and business was slow, so me and the rest of the servers were stocking and cleaning. My shift was ending in a little over an hour, so I wanted to get everything finished so I’d be able to leave on time. I went to dry storage to get a box of Styrofoam cups and Katherine was back there, looking for something. She turned, and her eyes met mine—of course, she smiled that smile of hers, and, of course, I smiled back.
“I hate when they move shit around on me. Every other Monday, when they get the new shipment, everything in here is backwards,” she told me, slightly annoyed—she had this sexy throaty kind of voice that I loved. I couldn’t help but laugh and smile wider at her.
“What are you looking for?” I asked her.
“That de-greaser shit for the grills…” she said, biting her lip and searching the shelf in front of her. I looked up. The de-greaser was on the top shelf, right in front of her.
“It’s right in front of you,” I told her, laughing.
I pointed to the top shelf as I came up behind her. She saw it, but of course she couldn’t reach it.
“Can you get it for me? I’m too short.”
She was too adorable, is what she was.
I nodded and reached over her, smiling, grabbing the de-greaser from the top shelf. As I did so, the crotch of my slacks pressed up against her ass by accident. I had an erection—being that close to her, it wasn’t something I could help. I went on as if it hadn’t happened, and hoped she wouldn’t say anything or be offended.
But as I prepared to back off and hand her the bottle, Katherine craned her neck around and her eyes locked with mine, inches from my face, startling me to the point of stillness. I gazed back into those big brown eyes of hers, not knowing exactly what to do.
“Thanks,” she said, softly and distantly, her eyes still locked on mine, my hard dick still pressed against her tight ass—she had to’ve felt it. She wasn’t moving, though.
“No problem,” I said, a little nervous and confused. I handed her the bottle and she took it into her hand, passively, and without moving—she was just standing there, gazing back at me, inches from my face. I thought she might turn around and slap me, but instead she dropped the bottle of de-greaser on the floor beside her, closed her eyes, and thrust her lips at mine.
That was all I needed.
I met her lips with mine—her body was still facing the shelf, my dick was still grinding into her firm little ass. I pushed her up against the wooden shelf, pouring passion from my mouth into hers, spooning her up against the dry storage shelves. She started to moan softly, as I continued dry-fucking her from behind. My hands moved to her hips and slipped up underneath her shirt, caressing her breasts—her nipples were erect, her body warm and inviting—she was moaning, begging to be fucked. She wanted it just as much as I did.
“Come on, hurry up—they’ll be wondering where we are soon,” Katherine pleaded with me, widening her stance, spreading her legs a little more, and grabbing onto the shelves in front of her to brace herself. Her back still facing me.
She wanted me to fuck her right there, backwards and up against the shelf in dry storage—where any employee could stumble in on us. Some people may have stopped to think first, but, well, I’m not the type to hesitate in such matters. A beautiful twenty-year-old woman wants you—she’s warm, ready, able, and more than willing. You’re a fucking idiot if you don’t do exactly what I was about to do. The chance may never come again.
I yanked Katherine’s pants down to her knees and she stepped out of them with one leg, leaving them on the floor, wrapped around her other ankle. She was wearing pink cotton panties with purple lace, and I noticed that they were somewhat moist at the crotch, as I slid them down her soft, flawless legs. I wanted to taste her thighs, lick those luscious legs of hers—eat her out ‘til she couldn’t take it any more, but Katherine was already pulling me back up before I had barely got her panties past her knees.
“Fuck me…” she said, almost begging me, as she clawed at my pants’ zipper. I helped her, unzipping my slacks and pulling them down, along with my boxer shorts, just enough to get my dick out.
No sooner was my cock out, then Katherine was easing it into her—she fit me like a glove, moaning this divine kind of moan and jerking slightly as I eased myself into her wet pussy, penetrating her. I couldn’t contain myself—with her bent up against the shelf like she was;
her legs spread,
with her panties around her knees,
moaning and pleading with me,
asking me again and again to fuck her.
I just lost all control.
I fucked her, alright, and I fucked her savagely from behind, me, grunting like a wild beast, my teeth clenched down against the nape of her neck, sucking and biting—thrusting into her with all my strength. She groaned and squealed, egging me on, pushing off the storage shelf with her toned and somewhat muscular arms, thrusting back at me, forcing me deeper and deeper into her. She was surprisingly strong.
“Harder! Oh, God…....Yes, Shane!” she whimpered.
I felt myself climaxing already—it was an amazing kind of ecstasy, a craving deeper than deep, a primal yearning to explode inside her—but I wanted to embrace her tightly and kiss her as I came inside her—I wanted to look deep into those big brown eyes while I was cumming.
I pulled out and spun her around so she was facing me. Close to climax herself, she was more than happy to comply—she practically leapt into my arms and locked her legs around me as our lips clashed in an awkward kiss, only for a moment before they parted.
Katherine was completely naked from the waist down, now. Her pants and panties were in a pile on the floor, and as she wrapped her sweaty body around mine, I penetrated her again. Her pussy was so wet that my cock easily slid right back into her—God, I had been so close to cumming just before I had pulled out of her the first time, that with the second thrust inside her, now, I was already starting to cum again.
I pressed my forehead against Katherine’s and we gazed into one another’s eyes. A crazy kind of pleasure-surge nearly paralyzed my body as I thrust into her harder and HARDER, sweaty and fucking her brains out with all the energy I could muster—her upper lip curled, her mouth opened wide, and she started screaming—all the time keeping her eyes opened and locked on mine with this crazy lust-filled look in her eyes—she started to shiver, and I knew she was cumming, now.
I smiled, taking great satisfaction in the pleasure I was giving her, closing my eyes and pressing my mouth against hers to silence her hysterical, bliss-filled screams. With my tongue pressed up against hers, in the deepest, most penetrating kind of kiss, I blew my load into her, grunting into her ear, the most guttural kind of pleasure-releasing grunt—she squealed with delight, digging her nails into my back. I felt her pussy pulsating around my cock as I continued thrusting in and out of her—like a machine gone haywire, not wanting to stop, pumping into her, over and over again.
Even after we had both cum, we were still fucking—our lust insatiable, both of us, collapsed on the dirty floor, half naked and squeezing every ounce of pleasure out of one another’s body, until we felt ourselves overheated and barely able to breath.
It was one of the most delicious fucks of my life—I’ll never forget Katherine, and those intense couple of minutes in dry storage—all of it, going on in the back of that restaurant where the both of us worked, as dozens of co-workers and customers went about their business in the front,
Meesh: today was a good day
xxsosaxx: have to use your AK?
Meesh: didn't have to!
xxsosaxx: i messed around and got a triple double
xxsosaxx : that neck is going to be the death of me
xxsosaxx : i must have it
xxsosaxx : i must explore
xxsosaxx : the collarbones are teasing me
xxsosaxx : those lips
xxsosaxx : oh meesh
xxsosaxx : be my lil oxnard appetizer
Meesh : mm, kay
Meesh : I am pretty sure I lost you
Meesh : did you know I was Miss Oxnard?
Meesh : or did you just call me that
Meesh: for no reason
xxsosaxx: no, were you ?!
xxsosaxx : i just called you that
xxsosaxx : we have creepy ESP, meesh!
Meesh : wow
Meesh : you are back
xxsosaxx : yes!
xxsosaxx : hi!
Meesh : it just put all your messages at once
Meesh : freaky
Meesh : I thought it was possesed
Meesh: I am writing to Chuck
xxsosaxx : f'in yahoo
xxsosaxx: mr. know it all?
Meesh : to say if I want to go to dinner w/ him
Meesh : mmhmmm
xxsosaxx: where does he live?
Meesh : venice
xxsosaxx : i love venice
xxsosaxx : my first apt was there
xxsosaxx : did he send you a pic?
Meesh : yes
Meesh : he's pretty cute
Meesh : geek chic
Meesh : a little stubble
xxsosaxx : do you like the stubble, or do you want a clean shaven man?
Meesh : I like both
Meesh : you know
xxsosaxx: please take me
Meesh : I want it all!!!!
xxsosaxx : there is so much i can give you, meesh
xxsosaxx : stubble is top on the list
Meesh : funny
Meesh : ‘cept for macking
Meesh : my chin gets sore
Meesh : cuz my skin is soooooo soft
xxsosaxx : so clean shaven for that?
Feeling the International love today,
had mail in the blogbox from 3 continents today. wheeee. Mail is so great. Send some international love today. or domestic is good too.
First was an-email from Akira Okamura of Japan. His English is pretty good. (Oh, on a sidenote, you have to check out this website, it cracks me up, about funny-ass Japanenglish, or Engrish, I think he wants to be pen pals, except, maybe, I don't know if that is all he wants. What do you think?
Hi, how do you do ??
I am Aki, Japanese in Osaka, Japan, 28yrs, 6 feet, 73kg.
(oooh a tall asian, 73 g, is that alot?)
What bout you ??
I will say bout me.
I am crazy bout everythings in the world.
I mean, everything's inside and outside.
(totally, I know, isn't it crazy?)
Inside,,, pool, bowling, reading books, watching films, UK music,
cooking, PS2, and more.
Outside,,, snowboarding, camping, beach, and watching stars at
Others,,, politics, international affairs, history, football, and
I am always ready to get wonderful questions from you !!
I also like to find new interesting things.
What is yours ??
If you are OK to show me yours, I am very happy cuz you have many
things I do not know, yes ??
(nope, no extra parts, just the usual setup)
I am sure what you know will make me fresh and rushed up.
(that is one way of putting it, I guess)
We are in very different countries and I guess your ideas have
come from not Japanese society.
(well, hmmm...... in a way.. they do, they come from a Toshiba laptop)
I am very interested in you and your country.
What I wanna say is I wanna be one of your friend
if you are OK!!
Be friends if you do not care bout reading my nasty
English and where I am.
I hope to hear from you !!
Have a nice day.
Wow coolness, so far apart, yet so many things the same. OK!! I would love to hear everyones nasty English as a matter of fact, in the form of Letters to Meesh, but more on that later......
i just read through the stuff in your blog and
was quite amazed. pretty
smart, funny and interesting stuff.
You know what is fun? Translating Foreign websites. German, translated, makes really close to no sense at all. Try it sometime. (you know go to google and use the Language tools.) Michael linked a bunch of random stuff on my homepage and personals stuff, and said, "Msh (apparently that is my name in German), nice girl by the way" and then some German stuff. I wanted to find out what the comments meant that people wrote. I translated this from one of the comments:
"does not support relations, it killen it.
Habits do not have to provide for boredom,
but they give a common "language".
From time to time a surprise, thus as spice
keeps then the "relationship" as it were fresh."
Hmmmm.. okay, it makes a little sense, but not much, sprechen the Deutsche anyone?
My 3rd happy, funny, haha letter of the day came from blogboy, Mr. Know it All. Chuck's (oops! he thinks he's anonymous) blog is easy to get lost in. He has greattaste in women, writes about his Personals purgatory, has live taste in music, surfs, and is a freaking comedian.
And what better way for a comedian to ask a girl out than with a Top 10 list.
Ten reasons meesh should go on a date with chuck:
10. I eat sushi – (but only know of one kind – but I’m sure I’d be willing to try a second kind)
9. I would love to travel the world, but need someone to read the maps because i am geographically challenged
8. Amelie is one of my all time favorite movies (that and rushmore)
7. I have a season pass to mammoth and a friend with a condo right next to canyon lodge
(ok, so that’s not a good reason to date me, but it’s a damn good reason to date my friend)
6. I surf
5. I’m funny
4. I have good teeth and most of my hair
3. I’m totally smart (we’re talking times tables up all the way through 12 and I can do long division like no one else I know!)
2. I’m incredibly charming
1. Because it would be damn fun and we could both gas on it on our blogs (and because I‘m interested)
(Round of applause)
Well done Chuck, he eats the sushi, can ask for directions, reads subtitles, and has a friend with a condo (hmm, single?). I can't wait for your next story, or, dinner?.... ....
It seems like everyone is taking off for, or planning a road trip somewhere. Two of my best friends (one of my boys, and one of my girls) are making the move to Maui in a couple weeks, Tony "the Boss" Pierce is off for a week in Aruba with his familia next month. Me, I am off on a solo road trip up to the Bay Area, and then an Amtrak up through southern Oregon (it is going to be-u-tee-ful) for a week trekking around, and Shane, the Flying Scotsman, freshly laid off from Nortel in Europe, is using his stock money (what's left of it anyway) to hit 13 countries in 4 months.
He was going mad on the travel websites, sent me a link to his final-ish itinerary today. I sent him an IM with my comments (Fuck you, I am so jealous... but you deserve it) and he blushed his bashful pale British self (on webcam) and finally got around to telling me what he thought about my last storotica, as well as the link I sent him about the English males curious lack of libido or one woman's efforts to get laid in London. He assured me this was not the case with ALL English males and offered to prove his sex tiger self by sharing with me his little tale of literotica. Okay, I said, but then again you aren't really English, you're from Edinburgh. I know why you Scots all wear the kilts, easy access baby, and the red hair, cause you guys are on fire. Well his bit of trash is every bit on fire and proves what I thought about cooks being sexy. I call it Culinary Delights and hits the net, right here, on trash Thursday.
Ze Frank blogged for 24 hours this weekend, and the entries ranged from anecdotal to hilarious. When you have some time, go and read his entry (from the bottom up), oh and make sure you check out Advice, cracks me up. He tells a lot of stories about his childhood, I think he should write a book. He usually doesn't blog, so I was stoked to see all the entries. I always head to Ze when I have time to waste (and also when I don't). So if you don't have a whole lot of time to waste, here is a little Ze taste:
I had trouble telling my left from my right, something that eludes me to this day if I don't look for the letter L in one of my outstretched hands. Once a teacher offered to drive me home, and I eagerly accepted: I was perpetually afraid of walking past a dog that lived in between the school and my home. Once in the car the teacher informed me that I had to supply all the directions to get us from the school to my house (she knew the way) . What would have been a ten block drive took us about an hour to navigate as she screamed at me to call out a direction at each intersection. Although the exercise didn't teach me much about directions (it may in fact be the reason that I still have trouble to this day), it did make me very wary of getting into cars with strangers.
Another time the Free School organized a "screaming contest". All of the kids sat around in a big circle (in a very large room that later would have to be stripped after lead was found in the ancient paint). Each child took a turn trying to scream at the top of his or her lungs, and the idea was that the teachers would vote on the best scream and award some sort of prize. I considered myself to be especially talented at a very high pitched variation of the scream, and was all set to blast my classmates. However, as it came closer and closer to being my turn I became increasingly anxious, and by the time it was my turn I was unable to make a sound. All the stares form both the students and teachers didn't help matters and I sat there in total silence for a good 3 minutes making little gasping noises, until I was yanked up from my place in the circle and taken out to the front steps of the school by the principal. She must have thought that I was rebelling in some way, looking back I'm still not sure why it upset them so much. I was forced to sit outside of the school for the remainder of the day, screaming at the top of my lungs. The school, as I mentioned before, was located in downtown Albany in an area where many middle age men spent their afternoons drinking tall-boys on their front stoops. I remember that one of these men took pity on me as my voice grew hoarse and brought over a glass of water.
Every time I link to someone, I never really expect for them to link me back, so imagine my surprise when I found myself linked to Kitty Bukkake. Not just linked, but with a pretty little mint star next to my name! If you haven't checked her out, go there now, and make sure your bladder is empty.
Speaking of empty bladders (?), Sara is back! She has arrived safely in Texas, but her list of moving blunders had me rolling...
Large American Penis, aka Links I like. Kevin's Blog is collection of newsworthy links, the self-professed Playboy of Blogs. With a URL like Largeamericanpenis.com we say two thumbs up, all the way up. Not only that he has invited me to crash onto his lawn. Thanks Kevin, but I've done that before, and did you know palm trees are 5-8000 dollars to replace? Oh, and the CD is on it's way :)
My nails were the longest they have ever grown last week. It was getting hard to dial my cell phone, much less type. One of my index fingers broke first, realy close to the finger part. Hurt like a bitch, I put a bandaid over it, trying to keep it together, but that wasn't working too well. Went and found some super glue, I heard that is what the manicurists use, and kept it together for another day or so. Eventually I had to cut them cause they all started breaking.
This weekend, I got something in my eye and I went fishing around in my purse for my contact drops, and I never noticed before how similar in shape they are to super glue. Yes, I really did. I couldn't understand at first why it wasn't working. My eye just kept getting stickier, especially the inner part. I started to freak out a little bit, but remembered to keep cool and act quick. I splashed my eye and rinsed it, the crust kind of gathered and I could pick it out like eye boogers. F.Y.I. the gelatinous surface of the eye seems to be designed for just this sort of mishap, it resisted the glue like oil to water and only fused a little bit of the inside corner together. So if this ever happens to you, don't freak out, just remember to keep cool, and act quick.