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Meesh, Aspen,CO Age:28

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wFriday, September 20, 2002

Someone recently told me that I was going to be alone forever.

Besides his stunning insights into my future, I wondered how it became such a bad thing to not goal one’s life so that the end result that would be some partnership by which all life’s true meanings would be revealed.

I am not waiting to find someone.
I am not planning to get married by 35.
I do not think that I will be lonely should I not “find” someone to spend the rest of my life with.

I know most little girls (and boys?) think that they will be married by a certain age, or have kids by a certain age, or perhaps kids first then marriage. But by deciding that, aren’t we destined to be disappointed failures should our goals not be realized? But then, if I don’t plan this into my future, is there any way I will come across that enlightening partnership? Can’t I just wing it?

I have had some wonderful relationships with amazing people. I never regretted a single one, even though some were full of dramedy. I just took it for what it was, and accepted that that was a part of my life at that point. I am not bitter, I am not vengeful, I am not dooming myself to wallow in my aloneness. I am more than looking forward to the next meaningful relationship. And that’s it.

Some people seem to think that if you love someone, then you have to accept them for who they are. Just because I accept you for who you are does not mean I have given up all hope of your improvement. I DO NOT have to put up with bullshit because I love someone. I DO NOT have to forgive them when they tell me to shut the fuck up or tell me I am an ugly fat whore. Is it that hard to forget that if I tell you never to disrespect me and you do it anyway, that I lose respect for both myself and you, and there isn’t too far to progress from there? If you tell me there is no way this is going to work out, then well, see ya, don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. What is there to talk about? If you don’t know how to open a discussion about what can be done to improve the way we relate to each other, then I am not here to explain to you the rules of communication, lest I begin to control the relationship. Lest you begin to really resent my hold over you.

When someone let’s me down, I always give them a second chance. But if they continue to do it, then I lose consideration for people. uberrima fides.

Maybe I don’t believe in forever. Forever is when you are dead. Have you ever been dumped? Are you ever the same again? I have been dumped, and then they change their minds again. Like I’m supposed to take you back after you dissed me? I don’t think so. Is that pride? It’s torture. Sometimes I feel as though I am even more lonely when I am with someone, then when I am not. It is like my future happiness and well-being hangs precariously in front of me, until this person decides how they want to proceed. I am not here, waiting for you to love me. If you cannot add to the quality of my life, then I can really do it just fine on my own thank you very much.

If I try to just go with the flow, and hang out, then they think I couldn’t give a shit, I don’t make enough time for them, or I don’t want a future with them. If I try to commit 100 % to seeing where the relationship is headed, to work on communication, and decide that this is what “we “ want, then I am smothering them, scaring them, or just being too damn controlling again.

Is it offensive to tell someone, “Look, I really like you , I enjoy the time we spend together, I want to be your companion, your partner, your friend, but I can never marry you. ” Maybe I am just that kind of person, maybe they are just that kind of people.

Damn, I am reading this, and I do sound bitter. I am not, just vexed. I am getting on with it now, you go get some therapy.

posted by meesh at 3:47 PM

wThursday, September 19, 2002

Masturbate for Peace ? sure, ok...

Kind of like Halcyon's Globalgasm. I keep meaning to participate, "cum together to heal the planet", sounds good. We need a new (dot), .cum

posted by meesh at 10:34 AM

wWednesday, September 18, 2002

Kitty Meets the Furries

well this oughta be good! Go to Kitty and get some fur.

posted by meesh at 4:03 PM


Dear Meesh,

I have a question that I am hoping you can help me with. Being a very sensual woman, I am sure you know something about this.
I want my girlfriend to shave her pussy, but she won’t because she says it hurts when it grows back. Now I like to keep my groin area trimmed up regularly, and I think the more surface area there is, the better it feels (not to mention less floss).
I love to go down on her, but it just seems a little more hygienic when it is bald. And I am sure she might enjoy the feeling more surface area gives her. I want to feel her skin on skin. How can I get her to go bald?

A Loyal Reader and fan,
Mike Hunt


Good question. I get that a lot, believe it or not. I do keep it very well groomed; I get a wax every 2 months, and shave in-between once or twice a week. You are right about the extra sensitivity it transmits, the petals are all nice and out in the open, and it is certainly more fun to eat without hair on your plate.

Done the wrong way, shaving can really hurt like a bitch, and one bad experience can turn you off shaving forever. Plus you have to touch yourself, and some women aren’t too experienced with the placement of all the parts. I could probably shave blindfolded. Personally, I am all about the Brazilian wax, but if you are a bit shy, or have a low pain threshold, shaving can certainly give you a nice, smooth effect.

Rule #1(and most important) – Always make sure to use a brand-new razor. They really don’t make ‘em like the Mach 3. I thought the Venus would be a nice substitute, but the head is a bit large for the nether region. Mach 3 has a nice compact head and swivel to it.

Rule #2 – Take a long hot shower, bath or Jacuzzi before shaving, I am talking like 25-30 minutes. It opens up the pores and softens up the hair.

Rule #3 – You can use a dab of shaving cream on the mound but you really don’t want to spread it all over the opening (if it gets up in there, it can cause yeast). I use Blade Runner by Origins, spread two fingers worth on the top, and just enough will trickle down to where you need it. The hair down there is pretty soft anyway and just requires a little lubrication to glide things along.

Rule #4 – use your other hand to spread the skin taut for a nice smooth surface. Shave downward with smooth short strokes, rinsing with each stroke. You’ll have to spread your lips off to one side to get into the folds a little. And yes, you have actually bend over and watch what you’re doing, too.

Rule #5 – It makes no sense to get that nice smooth skin on top and leave stragglers behind near the ass, so make sure you reach all the way back and get the little strip between the butt and vagina. It is easier to reach around back at this point instead of the front (again, spread the skin, nice and taut).

Rule #6 – After I am done I like to use Kama Sutra’s Honey Dust powder all over the skin. The feather applicator tickles on the freshly shaved skin, not to mention that it makes it extremely lickable and tasty (yum!). If you haven’t tried this product before, get on it!

Rule #7 – get someone to help you. Guys have been shaving their pointy faces forever, and I like to get my lover to do it for me. Plus you get all worked up with him touching your newly sensitive skin. Hey, have a taste while your down there why don’t ya?

That’s really about it. Best to keep it short once you start. If you don’t wear underwear, the new pricklies growing out can poke the delicate thigh area, not to mention the face! Good luck with getting her to go bald, and props on keeping yourself well groomed!


posted by meesh at 2:24 PM


Damn! I missed it! Win a free boob job!

from CraigsList - LA

posted by meesh at 10:44 AM


Sorry to the 5 readers out there, been at a wireless technology seminar the last couple days. Writing to you now via this super dope Merlin platinum modem using CDPD. Pretty high-tech, I want one. This customer of ours wanted 40 sum Pocket PCs wireless enabled, so I am learning everything I ever wanted to know about WAN, LAN, GPSR, yadda-yadda. Enough information, already!!

On a serious note, I need some help with an issue that has been weighing down on me. I thought I was strong, but I am at a point where I just don't know what to do anymore. I have mad love for someone who is in a serious state of depression. It is killing me that I can't help this person. Anyone have any experience with this. I am completely torn up inside. My loyalty and compassion are being severely tested. It is that whole I need you, I need to be alone. Help me, no one can help me. What do I do??? Anyone??? I tried to get him to get help, but he doesn't want to look into medication or anything. I think it can help him regulate.

Not much to write now, 'cept this little afermath that follows. If you haven't already, go and read the Homeless Guy. Pretty interesting stuff. I'll try and update later, been thinking alot about this certain topic, hopefully I can articulate it.

that's my brother on the left!

I woke up early Sunday morning and looked all over my room for something to affix over the window to stop the morning light from creeping in. I settled on a pink and purple sarong (at least it was getting used) my dad got me in Jamaica, which didn’t really block all the light, but diffused it into pretty pinkish patterns. Better.


I could hear the house stirring already. Someone in the shower.  Damn giggly bimbos shrilling obnoxiously. “Can you freaking keep it down or get the fuck out?”, I yelled out my door, then slammed it and flopped back into the bed.


The PIC groaned and rolled over knocking Chairman Meow off the bed.  She meowed and headed towards the closed door, and began to do her push, paw, scratch, meow until I got up and let her out. I looked for my eye mask, my last option for sleeping in this day, to no avail. I waited until my head decided to level off and slowly got up, put on my pink satin robe and , one-eyed, went out to evaluate the damage.


My brother was outside smoking a cigarette, so I hesitantly went out to see the ruckus the darkness concealed the night before. Every towel in the house was strewn across the yard (or so it seemed). Cigarette butts randomly scattered about. A bathing suit top and bottle of Bombay Sapphire posed neatly on top of my mother’s dwarf juniper. They looked happy together.


“What the..??!? What are we… in high school?”, I asked him


He laughed, “Ha, no. Cuz all the girls woulda been nekkid!!”


I attempted a smile, too tired and a little shakey (withdrawls coming) to get angry, obviously I was in no shape to regulate last night. I saw the rock ledge under the apple tree where I held court the night before. I had candles set up all around the shrines in the japanese garden and colored flood lights illuminating the structures and koi pond. It was pretty psychadelic. I blew out the votives that still managed to be burning, and then walked back into the casa, into the living room and spied a big pinkish stain on the oriental rug. Ah, the watermelon mojitos, nice. The yellow and blue pattern of the rug was adorned with big clumps of black hair form the 200 pound Newfie I recall wrestling with on the floor.  A dark moldy looking, pebbly stain was next to the lucky bamboo that had tipped over.


I went into the kitchen for a glass of water, opened up the cupboard. Hmm, no glasses. Looked to the sink, no glasses there. The trash. Aha. The top of the mound had evidence of what used to be glasses, poking precariously out of cigarette ashes, watermelon rinds, and bottle upon bottle. I stuck my head under the dispenser and sucked it down. The counter was sticky with the remains of my masterful bartending skills. Fresh mint, sugar, limes, and the empty bottles of gin.


“Oh shit!”, I said “5 bottles of gin! I didn’t realize I was that drunk last night!”

“I did!”, two people answered back.

Alright. Good times.


Shower. Must take shower. The same damn person was still in there. I went to my bathroom door, knocked loudly and said, “Are you alive. Get out of my shower”. No Answer. “Hello!!??!?” I went back to lay with the PIC, and wait for the shower pirate to emerge. There was no way I was going to get back to sleep, it was nearly noon, and once the light hits that room it was all over.  I started to feel nauseous laying there, so I went to go make some coffee and grab the paper. I knocked again as I passed the bathroom and said, “If all that hot water is gone, I am kicking your ass!”. The water shut off. That’s right.


I walked back down the hall and eyed a couple bundled up in sleeping bags under my dining table. Ok, so I used to camp out under there when I was 10 and under, but I imagined it would be a bit cramped now.

“Parties over, gotta go to work, Everyone out!”


Passed my brother walking down the hall who said, “I’m going to take a shower”


“Uh, yeah.. uh, NO! I am taking a shower! Argh, well you use the other shower, not mine!”


Peeled off my clothes and made a smoky pile, turned on the water and stepped in. Ahhhh.,.. hot. Spied the shower massager, and thought to myself, “Hmm. Yeah.. orgasm that would take the headache away.”  Barely got the shampoo lathered, when the water started to get cold. I freaked, I still had layers of greasy film to scrub off.  The water got progressively colder and I rinsed as fast as I could.  Five minutes after I started, I was done. Cold, wet, still dirtiesh, and orgasmless.  The PIC would be useless there for sure. Fuck fuck fuck.


I told myself to just go with the flow. Embrace the floaty, airy sensation. It helped. Someone handed me a little blue pill and said, “Here you go Meesh, one left for you.”


“ What is it?” I asked, if my brain was running at it’s normal broadband speed instead of it’s current 11 Mbps, I certainly could’ve answered it myself.


“A vitamin”, he said.


The day went by pleasantly enough. The PIC and I were finally left alone to veg. on the couch, eat our delivered Thai food, watch football and DVD’s through the hazy, sweet screen, and look back on the night . Good times. Good times.


Yeah, so there is no point or moral to this story. I get to see my bro maybe once a year, he was my original PIC for my first 10 years or so. Growing up, it was just him and I. All his guy friends are like brothers to me as well. It had been years since we all raged together. Las Vegas in ’98, it was actually De La Hoya v. Chavez, coincidentally enough. (Big DLH fan, but Vargas is a hometown boy).


Anyhow, I miss him severely and I wish he would move out of that damn desert and be closer to home. I've realized the importance of having family around since I had been apart from them for so long. Give your siblings some love today.

(Oh shit, tomorrow, it will be exactly 2 weeks until my bday!)

posted by meesh at 10:01 AM