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Meesh, Aspen,CO Age:28

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wFriday, November 22, 2002


I have a secret. I have a secret.
Just watching all the Aaron nonsense going on around here, is making me want to blow.

1. He is actually a super charming guy, in a bland polite way.
2. He is one hell of a pool player, and gave me quite the run for my money.
3. He is not engaged to Helene (sshhhh), and said he chose her as the lesser of two evils.
4. He is as horrible a kisser as he looks on TV, all lips, no style.
5. He is pretty damn tall, nice shoulders, thinning hair.
6. He can hold his liquor pretty damn good.
7. He did not invite me back to his hot tub.
8. I would not become Mrs. Bachelor, and move to Missouri for all the Harry Winston diamonds and tv teasers in all the world.
9. I would however liked to have felt his package, just so I could share his penis size with all the internet.
10. He thinks Trista is one of the most annoying people on the planet.

So that's it, my Aaron scoop, sure they will be more bits to come, that is, if he doesn't find out I've exposed them the the hundred people out there reading this.
And NO, I am not blue because I am in love with the guy, totally unrelated.


posted by meesh at 11:03 AM


wWednesday, November 20, 2002


And Ask Meesh would still love to respond to your inquiries on sex, love, and relationships, but mostly sex, because I suck at the other two, hahah, Okay, I SUCK at all of them, and I love TONY pIERCE (my Libra twin) AND ALSO sTEPHEN gREEN (my CO gent, should have been mine in a past life). and Plain Layne you keep changing your site every time I click over! You rock.
Alos I have been meaning to mention it, but this 3rd leg guy is a really god damn great writer. Reminds me of my boy Kool Keith a little, and not just the template. Oh, And I am so stoked when Chris Ward talks about his penis. And also when he calls me Her Meeshness. That is so special.

Insert pleas and excertations below.

posted by meesh at 5:44 PM


w


It's not easy being an angel.

You know someone once commented to me and sort of inquired/commented as to how I could provide such intimate details of my personal life. Well I don't think I really do, or offer up such details to the masses. I don't talk about my personal problems, per se, and i DO have personal problems. My life is not all puppy dogs and celebrities and jet-setting, and hot babes.

I spend a good portion of my life getting abused and ridiculed and kicked and I keep coming back for more. Sometimes I think there are people like me so that people like , other people can feel better about themselves. When people are really needy and emotionally train-wrecked, I take it upon myself to do everything I can to help that person. And it is damn hard. No matter how many times I get dissed and pushed away and demeaned, I don't have it in me to give up on a person. I just don't.

So when I am silent and reflective, and non posting, that tends to mean that there are things going on in my life that I am having trouble putting in to words and understanding. Do I think it will blow my image if I discuss the things that I would otherwise harbor and stuff down and keep anonymous about? I guess the thought had crossed my mind.

Have you ever seen someone crying on the street, all fully grieving, alone and sobbing? And you think to yourself, should I stop and try to comfort her, someone should, well you should. Sometimes that is me. Ok, not literally, cause I do try to maintain a cheerful outlook at all times. I think, I am this rock, this modicum of self-confidence, nothing anyone can do or say will stop me from my mission of guidance. And it is a mission. I neglect myself, my personal responsibility and devote 100 percent of myself to a case.

Why do I do it? I'm not really sure. Because I can. And personally, I am not all that ambitious. I don't need a fat salary, although I have. I don't need tons of friends, although I have. I don't need tons of supporters, or therapists, or well-wishers, although I have. I have no bills, or needs I can't provide, or the kindness of strangers fail to. I never think that i will not be Ok, or that my problems are unsolvable. I always get what I need, and most of the time, what I want.

But living life this way is not always a pleasure. I can talk about how the Bachelor Aaaron and I played 6 games of pool this weekend (and hate to ruin the ending for you guys, but ok I won't). Or how Jamie Kennedy is a mad , ok I won't divulge that either. I want to spread happy good stories as much as possible, not involving my cats, but my life does not encompass that. I have a sad, dark, depressing side to my photogenic lifestyle.

Just thought you should know, because I want to be true to the internet. It is so easy to project a one-sidedness, a happy front, but I am normal, and troubled, and have a splitting headache right now.

I wish I could find a way to portray a self that is true and whole, and helps others feel that they are not alone in their emptiness and sorrow. But I have never been that person. I am always to busy worrying about other people. With good looks, and charm, and talent, I feel like what the fuck do I have to complain about. Waaaah waaah my life is sooo tough. I live in Aspen in the winters, the coast in the summer. I have shearling coats, cashmere sweaters and snakeskin boots. I have 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, down pillows, and 1000 thread count sheets. Heath Ledger is my bitch and Kurt Russel walks my dog.

But I am lonely, damn lonely, and sometimes I crawl under my rustic barn wood desk and cry, and wake up disgusting and puffy eyed. And the only person I feel I have in this world is my 200 pound Newfie. And that is not really enough. And i don't know how to change. And all I want to do is go home to mommy and daddy, and have the wing of my house all to myself. But I am 27 fucking years old, and I don't know what in the world to do with myself.

God damn that was depressing. But I needed to get it out, and I wanted you to know, and love me if you still. And now my drink is empty, did you think? and time to refill it with my tangerine ice-cubes and Ketel one.

Ok, I feel better.

and you know what would be really cool, is if you would sign the Guestmap. I am really easy to please.
Oh and the stupid poll, too, because I really like Green.


posted by meesh at 4:39 PM